When someones need to be independent goes to an unhealthy extreme, this is hyper-independence. Does this mean a wife should be at her husbands beck and call, ready to fulfill every desire? . She may fear commitment. We want our kids to be independent thinkers and doers. As an adult, our need for others is a reality we may have to work to accept. Perhaps you see your strength in developing healthy relationships with other people without resorting to co-dependent patterns. Learn to ask for help Hyper independence trauma stems from negative experiences from our previous relationships. you get some women trying to be overly independent and it just comes off as them being a train-wreck . She is too busy doing things that matter and has too much respect for herself to need other people to boost up her ego. She reads, keeps up with current political events, scientific discoveries, and technological inventions. Because, in the depths of their being, they feel the weight of sadness and even the despair of the deepest loneliness. What Does the Term 'Emotional Baggage' Mean? Be gentle with yourself, and leave space for difficult times. Sooner or later, they stop asking for what they dont receive. Theyre afraid of intimacy, closeness, and love in any of its forms. 11 Ways To Overcome Hyper Independence Trauma 2023 (+Signs, Test However, the only thing she doesn't seem to be down for is depending on you. You may notice that your partner doesnt often talk. Perrotta G. Affective dependence: from pathological affectivity to personality disorders: definitions, clinical contexts, neurobiological profiles and clinical treatments. In the inner recess of her mind shes thinksI would like him more if he Her unspoken goal is change him. Muller, R. T., Sicoli, L. A., & Lemieux, K. E. (2000). . In other words, if your needs werent provided for in the same manner and efficiently, this could cause you to be distrustful of your parents. Maintaining and repairing relationships is an underrated skill, but so important. Some days may be harder than others and this is something that is okay as well. The Bible speaks to this issue:Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.(Ephesians 4:29). Conflict, harmony, and independence: Relationships in evolutionary multi-criterion optimisation. TEACHING Exceptional Children. 15 Things You Should Know When Dating an Independent Woman - Marriage.com This is related to. If she wants to do something, she doesnt wait for someone to tell her that she is allowed to do it. But every healthy relationship, both inside and outside of marriageevery single oneis built on the foundation of respect. . Are You Balanced Between Being Dependent and Independent? It can be tough to accept how you look without wanting to make a change, but strong women are able to focus on a part of their body that they do love. Sometimes though, a dismissive woman is more subtle. Are some men are easier to respect than others? For some, ultra independence is a trauma response, meaning it may require treatment from a therapist, in order for a person to be able to make changes. Strong independent people know in their hearts that everyone is beautiful just the way they are. Take your time finding a provider who is a good fit, and know that you can let go of the maladaptive coping patterns that helped you survive your past. Here's why and how to. Hyper-independence can develop in response to trauma for various reasons. 9. She recognizes her weaknesses but views them as opportunities for growth. Can God Trust Us with The Trivial Things? Are We Remembering or Forgetting the Sabbath? And when shethinks shesfound someone like that, shesjust as ready to share herown support and encouragementwith them. The adversity that happens in her life doesnt define who she is or her core values. | The whole idea is, I need to protect me, and no one is ever going to do this to me again.. These actions send the same message: Youre an idiot. Being overly self-sufficient may lead one away from opportunities to exchange ideas, receive inspiration, and deepen relationshipsall interactions that foster growth. Without respect relationships crumble. And shewill not apologize for that. To this end, research conducted by George Mason University highlighted how post-traumatic stress disorder mediates the way bonds are formed with other people. It is a key to developing emotional resilience. My independent nature craved for me to have my own space but at the cost of potentially my life. Adverse childhood experiences. It does not substitute the opinion of an expert at any time. Four, if you count my husband. Everyone laughed sort of. All rights reserved. (2018). She doesnt look around for the leader. Dr. Amy Marschall is an autistic clinical psychologist with ADHD, working with children and adolescents who also identify with these neurotypes among others. Because hyper-independence is connected to a lack of trust, its important to understand that your friend or family member may not easily let folks in, even if you feel they are trustworthy. New Research on Healthy. Marriage is a team sport, meant for two equal partners. Trauma is something that sticks with you, but it doesnt have to control your life. Theyre people who orient their lives toward a goal and are obsessively focused on it. She can generate both compassion and gratitude for the fact that each person is talented and unique in his or her own way. You can work with a therapist anytime for further assistance in learning to lean on people and trust others. Denying it carries professional and personal consequences. Keep this in mind if you feel like you are very independent. They dont pay attention to prescribed gender roles or let them interfere with their desire to learn more about a specific subject. Donna Jones is a national speaker who travels from coast to coast helping women find and follow God in real, everyday life. An ability to rely on others can be a crucial component of social, professional, and academic success; it generally leads to feeling more, not less, empowered. All sheneeds is to feel comfortable in herown skin, to know how to provide for herself, and to have passions and interests and projects that exist outside of herdating life. She doesnt feel the need to diminish her decision-making power to appease someone else. Article Images Copyright , Banish the Unofficial Luggage of Foster Care. This means that the body chooses behaviors based on what will keep it safest at the moment. Hyper Independence Trauma: Signs, Causes, And Treatment - HealthMatch Even if you dont realize it, you have incredible strength and independence as a woman. Noah loves to write on matters of the heart and mind. He adds that in the quest for so-called "independence . She may name call, nitpick, or control. Giving each other more space might bring you closer together. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, and having to waste energy on someone who cancels all the time is not worth it. For more information on trust in a relationship, watch this video: It may make sense to you to keep to yourself, even if you are having trouble completing something on time. A woman with strength and independence is able to recognize when her plate is full and she cannot take on anything else. You can read about evidence-based therapies for trauma here. While some level of independence is important and useful, a need to be overly independent can feel isolating and cause additional stress. Additionally, an individual might experience symptoms of anxiety or depression when they are hyper independent. They become distant, secretive, and deeply fearful. Comments like thisthough they sound innocent on the surfaceindicate something underneath: a lack of respect for ones partner. Please do your own research before making any online purchases. In this essay, we take a look at one woman's realization of toxic productivity. Shelldo whatever shewants, because as long as sheis having fun with you, it doesnt matter. Does A Friends With Benefits Relationship Actually Work? This may have been with them since they were a child or due to a traumatic event they were exposed to. If you want to try to do things a little differently, consider the following: If you have experienced trauma or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), psychotherapy (talk therapy) may help you work through the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that resulted from the experiences. When you visit the site, Dotdash Meredith and its partners may store or retrieve information on your browser, mostly in the form of cookies. 16. Can You Recover from Trauma? 5 Signs Your Church Might Be Heading toward Progressive Christianity, 10 Ways You Can Use Sleepless Nights for Gods Glory. It might feel like things have always been this way. She is aware of what needs to be done and she does it. However, whats meant by being too independent? Hyper-independence and hypervigilance a state of being on high alert and scanning for threats around you can be trauma responses. She knows that things happen. They also often struggle with interpersonal relationships due to their mistrust of others. They may guard their thoughts and feelings, even from people that they care about. Give yourself a chance to get over your initial reluctance and experiment. Related: 110 Of The Most Positive, Uplifting Affirmations For Women. But while bravery and perseverance are valuable traits that help us make our way in life, these stories can idealize autonomy, instilling unrealistic expectations of attaining our goals soloand these narratives also overlook the fact that we benefit enormously from the help of others. It just means that shesgot a fast-moving life and shesnot afraid of waving away someone whos just bringing nonsense or negativity into herlife. She doesnt create a pattern of negative thinking or have a poor me attitude. Im a staff writer for Thought Catalog. Shes prone to see romantic relationships as her savior and feels lost without one. All rights reserved. Some people need several check-ins to understand that someone else cares, and for some people, they may respond and have a more in-depth conversation, says Hammond. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? Sheknows that being independent and self-sufficient doesnt mean shelacks emotions or feelings. Over-achieving: People who are hyper-independent may over-commit to work or personal projects to the point that they are unable to manage the load themselves. If you are in a relationship, you may want to lean on your partner when you need help or advice. Will I Still Be Married to My Spouse in Heaven? This can involve isolated incidents like car accidents, assault, or recurring or generational events, such as ongoing abuse or racial discrimination. She talks to herself like she would talk to her best friend with compassion and kindness. A dismissive woman devalues or diminishes her spouse's preferences, opinions or desires. Karl Arnold - Wikipedia Sheenjoys romance. Hyper-independence can also emerge from reluctance to trust others. It doesnt mean wives cant have hard conversations. Sometimes, the body and the mind naturally come up with ways to survive that trauma, says Frederick. This type of woman enriches the life of everyone around hermost of all, her husband. She knows that sitting around and complaining is a waste of time. Because, while its true that its healthy to develop a sense of freedom with which to decide and act for yourself, there are those for whom this leads to somewhat pathological behavior. She doesnt let her confidence get to her head. She isnt scared of investing in herself. She doesnt rely on other people for her happiness and has the freedom to make her own decisions. She has enough respect for herself that she knows sheis deserving and worthy. With a Partner His experiences have taught him that being an honest friend who communicates well and giving importance to self-love can go a long way in maintaining loving relationships. This is to be expected, but there are things that you can do to alleviate some of the burden. Many of the women whom I've counseled struggle with being overly self-reliant and are fearful of depending on their partners for crucial support. But Gods Word offers practical advice on how to be a healthy, life-giving partner. Although hyper-independence is not a formal diagnosis, it is a trauma and stress response. American Journal of Preventive Medicine. Hyper independence is a coping mechanism that develops as a result of negative experiences, teaching us that relying on and trusting others is not safe. Anything, we are often told, can be achieved through hard workwhich usually implies work done on ones own. Strong women know their worth. Only in this way do they avoid the risk of being injured or betrayed. Instead, she embraces all people, regardless of their ethnicity, background, status, beliefs, talents, and abilities. An independentwoman will not play games with you. They never delegate because that would mean their authority and strength would be removed. 21. Hyper-independence refers to individual attempts to be fully independent in all things, even when it is not helpful to do so or when they truly need help or support from others. Because if theres one thing they yearn for, its to be resolute, efficient, and to solve everything without anyones help. On the other hand, if you ask for help with something small and are let down, do your best to understand that this doesnt mean that everyone will let you down. Maybe shewas, at some point, because enjoying drama is just a natural part of being a teenager and growing up. Traumatic events can be single experiences, like a car accident or natural disaster, or they can be chronic and ongoing like neglect or abuse. Perhaps you've depended on your abilities so long that asking for help seems like a fault. If you find yourself refusing help even when receiving help would make things much simpler for you you could be operating from a place of trauma through a response known as hyper-independence. In this particular case, were talking about someone who avoids relating and having friends or partners for fear of being betrayed, abandoned, hurt, etc. Overdependent definition and meaning | Collins English Dictionary What Is Hyper Independence in a Relationship? Signs & Solutions Shedoesntnag you, but shedoes expect you to put forth your best self. She embraces the skills and resources that she and other people have equally and embraces everyone in a unique way. 15 things strong independent people do without realizing it - Ideapod In other words, the term strong, independent woman is simply a code phrase for a stubborn, entitled, selfish, and uncompromising bitch. Having such high work goals also serves as an excuse to avoid all kinds of commitments. (1994). Soest The Thousand-Year Old, Modern Town. Growing up with a narcissistic parent can have negative long-term effects on other relationships. 7 signs you grew up too independent as a child and it's affecting you now in adulthood: 1. Related: Signs of Hyper-Independence Trauma Does any of the following describe you? In addition, as far as relational matters are concerned, they rarely manage to maintain a partner or a friendship. Many women live with a certain degree of discomfort with their physical appearance, especially their bodies. This can change after a while, but it is also something that hyper independent people may do to protect themselves. Disrespect doesnt always come in the form of words. This publication is for informational and educational purposes only. If you put yourself out there and talk to someone, you may find that they are willing to be a friend to you and a person that you can trust. Is Hyper Independence a Trauma Response? - Choosing Therapy Soest - The Thousand-Year Old Town That Doesn't Show Its Age Related Post: 41 Phenomenal Hobbies For Women In Their 30s. Posted September 28, 2014 Because of this, they can recognize when they are not getting paid enough for the work that they are doing, and they wont hesitate to negotiate with their employer until they are satisfied with their earnings. How Childhood Trauma May Affect Adult Relationships. She doesnt wait around for someone to rescue her or tell her what to do. Trauma can be pervasive, and because everyone is different, we work through trauma in varied ways.

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